BY ISABELLE PETERSON ’28
STAFF WRITER
With the housing lottery season underway, many of us are scouting out potential dorms: Perusing floorplans, interrogating acquaintances and squatting in unfamiliar common rooms. But, while things like elevators and gold pears necessarily take first priority in the quest for a new dorm, have you ever taken water quality into consideration? When choosing between two roughly equivalent dorms, water can make all of the difference. After all, when it’s the middle of the night and you have a slight cold, do you really want to be drinking lukewarm tap water that tastes as if it came from a rusty, bug-riddled pipe? If not, let this list be your guide.
Abbey: Elegant at first sip, it blends the redolence of a peach kernel with the youthful piquancy of mustard seed. The nascent floridness of this water is remarkable in its puerility, which is almost, but not quite, offset by its meticulously crafted length and depth. The aftertaste is persistent, fervently narcotic and rather fishy.
Brigham: Brigham Fountain 2026 is sophisticated, expressive, and borders on the ambrosial. The clean, classic aromas of candied violets, motar, and jasmine recall the industrious whirring of an HP LaserJet Pro MFP 3101sdw printer. Its ashy, dynamic palette demonstrates oodles of energy, which is tempered by a more demure, underlying sense of puritanical self-effacement. Akin to a well-executed but unfinished watercolor portrait.
Buckland: Buff, vigorous and impeccably balanced, this explosive water is as acidic as a lab-engineered lemon. On the palate, it emerges as pungent and tactile, with scrumptious shades of cider, blanket static, red peppercorn and rhododendron. To enjoy this water properly, microwave it in a cardboard cup for roughly thirty seconds, then sip through a well-chewed paper straw.
Creighton: Don’t let this blushing ingénue of a water fool you. Despite Creighton Tap 2026’s delicately sumptuous sweetness and creamy underbelly, it packs a powerful punch. Conadria fig, caramelized sugar and ripe Bosc pear mingle mellifluously with hints of crushed gardenia blossom, creating a truly magnificent experience.
Dickenson: A water for the real H2O connoisseur. The color is glimmering, crystalline. An opening of damp straw ripens into the sweet succor of elderflower, then gradually blooms once exposed to the glands, tickling the taste buds with notes of aniseed, oat milk and burnt rubber.
Ham: A firm backbone of pomegranate, black cherry and brown sugar lends support to subtler accents of chalk and candied orange peel. Ham’s water is persistent across the palette, although a little too astringent and lacking in complexity. Fine for everyday drinking, but little else.
MacGregor: This refreshingly mild, medium-bodied water has a light, floral taste, with subtle undertones of petroleum, winter melon and almond. It is bright, and pleasantly dry, leaving a lingering, almost vegetal aftertaste. One of the few dorm waters that is actually cold.
Mandelle: The verdant pulse of Madelle Tap 2026 is irresistible. This smooth, unctuous water swirls together the exigence of rainier cherries, dried husks of yellowjacket wasps and honey-coated baked brie. A decadent, robust, completely hallucinatory experience.
Mead: This water is perhaps most comparable to a temperate forest floor in late August. The dominant notes are of blackberry, chanterelles and cedar, bringing to mind the insipidly sung courting call of a senile woodthrush. Fairly acidic, though lacking in tannins.
Pearsons: Whiffs of pressed olive oil, salted black licorice and pickled artichoke make for an exquisitely savory nose. The palate is predominantly citric, reminiscent of sun-baked Genoa lemons and bergamot oil. The second nose is more aggressive, with intensely contrasting notes of sea clay and tamarind. The third, fourth, and fifth noses respectively recall kaffir lime, kumquat and clementine. Superb bedside sipping water.
Pearsons Annex: Like a boiled ice cube. Or a grape that hasn’t yet become a raisin. There is potential for a genuinely remarkable water here, but it may take some time to come to fruition. I would give this water a few years before returning to it — or perhaps a change of pipes.
Porter: Whispers of sage, murmurs of honeysuckle, and scant traces of horse blanket define this earthy, aromatic water. The texture is decadent, buttery and utterly elegant. Reminiscent of drinking a lacquered chair with threadbare cushions.
Prospect: Like liquid diamond. A powerful nose that projects a romantic bouquet of hyacinth, vanilla, bone marrow and stone fruit. Chimeric, with an incisive acidity and clarity. Prospect Tap 2026 is a gastronomical roller-coaster that must be tasted before being believed.
Rockefeller: A genuine classic. Aromas of raspberries, tangerines and pencil shavings are well-complimented by the indistinguishable fragrance of a dust mote. Rockefeller Fountain 2026 is a jammy, drinkable water, which, although to the uninitiated palette is first similar to many other aged, redbrick dorm waters, has a certain, exceptional spirit all of its own.
Safford: A truly kaleidoscopic water, tepidly melding khidri dates, golden raisins and pleather with a taste that can only be compared to extremely diluted grape cold medicine. The lingering brininess of freshly pulled mussels tightens tenderly around the salivary glands, leading to an utterly unremarkable finish that is altogether impossible to describe.
Torrey: Transparent, though far from translucent, this muscular water has a robustly rollicking mouthfeel, featuring notes of wet stone, oregano and dewy apricot. Its silky minerality pairs nicely with the metallic tang of a Klean Kanteen or the somewhat worn plastic of a well-traveled Nalgene water bottle.
Wilder: This absolutely transcendent water makes for beautiful day drinking. The perfumes of white grapefruit, musk melon and bay leaf coalesce into a nose that is saucy, yet fragile. Additional undertones of kerosene, laden with clover honey, create a taste that will tingle down your esophagus and transfigure your gastrointestinal tract. The smooth, balanced texture of Wilder Fountain 2026 is only undermined by its tentative, and altogether too-warm finish, which seems to waver between a querulous minerality and caustic acidity.
1837: The hypnotic scents of heirloom apple, Venetian rose and sweet white currant crescendo into a veritable tempest of taste that trombones its triumphant twang to the South Hadley Heavens. Not a water you will soon forget.